How To Stay Independent In A Long Term Relationship

photos courtesy of Shot From The Street

 

I think we can all be a bit guilty of falling too hard in love, especially when the guy is a real Prince Charming. And, I can safely say that I’ve wondered how to stay independent in a relationship, and been guilty of losing myself a few times. All of a sudden it becomes “we” instead of “I” and you’re known as one, rather than individuals. You no longer show up to the parties alone, but together. And it’s not a crime to be happy. We’re hopeless romantics,! So, do you want to know how you can have it all?

Realize he loves you for you

When we get too deep into a relationship, we tend to lose ourselves. I, for example, turn into a nurturer. It’s like I’ve transformed into a different woman and that shouldn’t happen. It’s about remembering that your partner fell in love with you because of the woman you were. He fell in love with the go-getter, who radiated independence because she worked so hard to achieve it. And being that person will actually help to make your relationship stronger, trust me!

Remember your girls

I’ve learned the hard way that your friendships need just as much attention as your relationships. I’ve had a relationship, where I just stopped seeing all of my friends, but that backfired when we broke up and I had no one. It’s also crucial to keep these going for your independence because your girl pals are you number ones for keeping you on track! Both of you need friends that you can escape to – not friends you see together, but friends you have separate from each other.

Don’t compromise

You don’t have to compromise being a badass Career Girl for your relationship, you can have it both ways, but it just takes finding that balance. Now, relationships do require a little bit of compromise, but that doesn’t mean you have to let go of your beliefs and morals that make you who you are. It’s not about being stubborn, it’s about not changing completely for love.

Live separate lives

Whilst you may love spending every second together, it’s important that you make sure you’re both spending time apart. I’m not just talking about alone time, I mean to make sure that you’ve both got separate hobbies and activities away from each other. Don’t forget that he needs his time too! So make sure that your hobbies and side projects aren’t being put to the side either. It will actually make the time you do spend together more special because you’ll both have something different and new to talk about!

His dreams aren’t your dreams

The trap that I easily fall into is by helping him be all the success he can be. I tend to put a lot of my focus on him to make sure all of his needs are met. And as women, I think sometimes we can feel like we can take on the whole world. But, for me, when I do this, it usually means I’m helping him live his life rather than living my own. I’m not saying your goals and dreams are more important, you just need to make sure they’re still in motion.

GOOD THINGS

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  • and lastly, you ain’t his mom… once you fall into that “parenthood” trap you are pretty doomed.

  • sofia

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  • Rachel Vaughan

    THANK YOU FOR THIS POST! The part about not having to compromise is so important. Too often, I find myself feeling guilty for putting my career first, but I would never guilt my partner for doing so. The reality is we are stronger together and we are strongest when we are both pursuing are passions.

  • Natalie Redman

    Great post! All very true.

    http://www.upyourvlog.com