It’s probably the worst walk of shame, leaving your work mid-way to shuffle politely into the boss’s office. It reminds you of being in school and being called in to see one of the teachers in the middle of your lunch, and suddenly you feel your mouth going dry and your palms getting sweaty. Here are ten things that go through your mind when your boss decides to send for you…
#1 What have I done? Oh God, What have I done?!
Even if the boss has called to bestow upon you gratitude and praise, you can’t help but start to feel extremely nervous. In most cases the boss is a floating figure of authority that darts in and out of your vision and has once or twice addressed you by name, now you’re going into the pit of despair, the lair of the boss. The only thing you can think is that you’ve ruined your whole career and they’re about to fire you on the spot, so it’s probably time to start handing out job applications.
#2 I’m going to lose the items in my shopping basket!
It’s not like your boss knows that you spent the last two hours buying dresses and shoes online, right? No it couldn’t possibly be about that, you’re safe. But they better not keep you long, you’ve only got a little while before your basket times out and you really need a cute pair of shoes to go with the three pairs of jeans you bought before lunch.
#3 Do I have something on my face?
For some reason, your colleagues are looking at you with a mixture of sympathy and disgust, either they know something you don’t or you most definitely have something on your face. Maybe it’s the muffin crumbs that have collected a little bit in the collar of your shirt, or maybe these looks are for solidarity. Nobody’s got time to be called into the boss’s office.
#4 Didn’t I shuffle those papers enough?
All day you’ve been harassed, you haven’t had one moment’s peace. You’ve shuffled your papers frantically every time someone approached looking as if they’d ask you for something, but it obviously wasn’t enough. You need a new strategy to look terribly busy and also terribly important at the same time. Maybe you should start brainstorming while the boss is talking to you.
#5 I hope this isn’t going to be a Bridget Jones situation
Your boss definitely doesn’t look like Hugh Grant, but you do sometimes fantasise about quitting publically like she did and commanding the hearts and minds of everyone in the office. Now you think about it, you kind of want to watch Bridget Jones Diary again. Maybe you’ll ask the boss if they’ve ever seen it.
#6 I’m definitely being promoted
Deep down you have a little spark of excitement that’s telling you you’re getting a raise, or even better, you’re getting promoted. You know this because your boss smiled and nodded at you once when you were stealing someone’s quesadilla from the communal fridge. Your boss gets you.
#7 Is the day over yet?
You kind of wish the workplace had a bell to signify the end of the day like back at school. That way you don’t have to watch all your colleagues pack up and walk to the pub while you frantically smile and nod across the desk at your boss and you could just walk away and leave them mid-sentence when the bell sounded.
#8 I’m definitely taking some more of those fine-liners
You originally felt guilty about swiping office supplies, but now you don’t. Doesn’t your boss know how much of an inconvenience it is to make you do the walk of shame to their office, to summon you like this? Well, it serves them right, you’re taking a fine-liner in every colour home with you tonight, and maybe a couple of highlighters too. Ha.
#9 Did I set my Facebook to private?
I mean, one or two posts complaining about how much work sucks is normal right? They can’t fire you for free speech? Maybe the boss agrees with you and wants to hear how you would improve the workplace? Or maybe, they’re calling you into the office to ask why you haven’t yet accepted their friend request. Awkward.
#10 Who told on me?
Somebody somewhere must have told on you. You’ve seen the looks your colleagues have been giving you, but you can’t be held accountable for the things you do when you’re drunk. If they had a problem with that they should stop suggesting going to the pub every Friday evening. You have your suspicions, so from now on you’ll be careful what you say and write your notes in invisible ink. Untrustworthy louts!