How To Ask For What You Want And Get It Every Time

photo: Harper & Harley


Asking for what you want (and actually getting it) can be a tricky process. First, you have to master the art of asking for it, then you have to persuade the person to give it to you. It can sound pretty demanding, but it doesn’t need to be. I’ve spoken to countless successful women who believe in the law of attraction, and think that you can get what you want if you ask for it the right way. It just takes a bit of practice, a lot of courage, and a pinch of humility.

So, how the hell do you ask for what you want and get it every time?

1. Be clear with yourself

Before you even put in the ask, figure out what it is you’re asking for. Say you’re asking for a raise or putting yourself forward for a promotion. Who are you asking and what do they have to do for you to make this happen? Who else will your request inconvenience? Is it a realistic request? Do you really deserve it?

It can be difficult to think objectively when there’s something you want but try to give yourself a few days to think it over. Is there something you can offer in return for your request? If you’re struggling with the idea of asking for something or persuading someone to give it to you write down the answers to the above questions first.

2. Keep your body language open

If you’re asking someone for something, you need to be confident. You need to know your request inside and out, so say it a few times out loud before you actually ask that person. Defend your request in case someone questions it, if you really, truly believe in what you’re asking for, it will come across in your question and people will be more likely to give you what you want.

However, you should remember to always be kind. No matter what your request is, you should stay friendly and ‘open’. Make sure your face is soft, your body language is open, and you aren’t fidgeting, clenching your fists or otherwise giving out aggressive or closed-off signals.

3. Remember you’re worth it

Us girls can have an issue with asking for what we deserve. Our language is a lot more passive than our male counterparts, but you need to remember that you are worth it. Do not second guess yourself, whatever it is you are asking for – whether you’re asking the Universe to help you become more successful, or asking your boss for more responsibilities, remember, you are worth it. Believe it and you will start to see it.

4. Don’t issue an ultimatum

Ultimatums rarely work. People see them as arrogant. For example, if you tell your boss you’re leaving unless they give you a raise, they might turn around and say they’re sorry to see you go. Then you’ll have to backtrack to try and keep your job unless you really have another, better paying job lined up. Even if your boss doesn’t want you to go, and even if they were considering giving you a raise – the ultimatum has too much finality and control in a conversation.

It says that your request has no way out, and doesn’t always reflect well on your character. However, if your situation is dire and you have to resort to ultimatums to get what you want, stay humble, don’t let anger or frustration fuel your request. People want to know there is a way out of your request that won’t damage your relationship with them, and if you make it a joy to be with you, they’ll want to do anything you ask.

5. Getting what you want starts with you

You can use psychology to get around in life quite well. Read Dale Carnegie’s How To Win Friends And Influence People. It feels quite smarmy to try and use tactics on your friends and co-workers, but actually, you’ll find that you feel better about yourself when making requests and building relationships after reading this book.

You’ll know how to deal with those times you don’t get what you want, and persevere so you can turn it into a positive experience. Most importantly, you’ll be able to see behaviors that might have been limiting your relationships with others and holding you back. Getting what you want starts with you after all!


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