photo: Frances Jaye
I lived with my boyfriend since I first met him. Being University housemates when we were friends was fine. I didn’t have to deal with the pizza boxes under his bed or the handwashing of his underwear in the bathroom sink. I could just close my door, lock it, and literally never think about him and his mess again.
In the final year of University, we moved into a flat together. Just us two. Alone. Preparing to get on each other’s nerves. With that in mind, I learned a few things about both of us…
1. You will argue about the stupidest of shit
“If I find another false nail on the floor I’m going to lose it!”
“OMG YOU LET THAT SPIDER ESCAPE! IT WAS RIGHT THERE!”
“How many times have I told you to put the toilet roll tubes in the bin?”
2. You can criticize each other but nobody else can
You know he is incapable of picking up his socks, but nobody else can point that out. This is our house now.
3. You aren’t going to have ‘traditional’ roles
Sometimes he screams at a spider, sometimes I fix stuff. This is the 21st century.
4. He has no concept of the value of your makeup
“I just stepped on this thing you left on the floor. Hope it wasn’t valuable. Don’t leave it on the floor next time.”
“MY EYESHADOW PALETTE. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I WAS USING THAT.”
5. Likewise, no concept of separate shower stuff
“I just used your purple shampoo and the shower curtain is now lilac. My hair isn’t going to turn purple is it?”
6. There’s nowhere to go when you’re mad
Especially when he can unlock the toilet door with a coin. Eye roll.
7. Being drunk at home always makes funny anecdotes
Example: the time my boyfriend got himself stuck in his converses and had to cut himself out.
8. He will find out about the weird stuff you do
I like to freak him out by talking about space and brains just before he goes to sleep. “Do you ever feel like you’re trapped inside your body?” “Isn’t it weird that we are just a brain in like a machine.” “The Universe is so vast…”
“BABE SHUT UP. YOU KNOW I DON’T LIKE TALKING ABOUT THIS STUFF BEFORE BED. YOU NEED MENTAL HELP!”
9. Also, you find the best ways to annoy
Sometimes I just pretend I can’t hear him. Or Snapchat him when he’s grumpy. Constant sources of entertainment.
10. You become the dream team
Being together 24/7 means you become that couple. Like in How I Met Your Mother. The couple everyone comes to for wisdom. The novelty of being alone wears off pretty fast, but you do get to watch cheesy movies without any criticism.
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